somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
