Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
