I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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