they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
