I wanna passion pit in your ass
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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