the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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