The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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