How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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