so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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