Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
