I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
