That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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