He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
