maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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