I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
