Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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