I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
