9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
