I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
