I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize