Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize