He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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