we're chasing vodka with high fives
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
