Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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