At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
