guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
