Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
