I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
