someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
