Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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