I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
