Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
