If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
