Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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