I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You smell like stripper and shame
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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