But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school