hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.