im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs