Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my poor anus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
