i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.