I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
