im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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