We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm like, not good at living.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
