'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
