i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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