Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
