Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
barbara walters just said penis...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
