Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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