Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
