how can u be prego again
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
