A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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