there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we're making bets on your personal life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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