Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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