He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
