ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
