Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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