I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
