I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am midnight drunk by noon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
