When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
