just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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