Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
