DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
