Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
