Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
