who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
