You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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