i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
