If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
