Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My bed smells like the plague
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
