so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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