It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
