Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize