Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
