This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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