sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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