My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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