he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
