Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
