i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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