it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
